this is the final stretch of the summer; august is like the straight and narrow–the air is so arid that it feels like your lungs are drying out breath by breath–it’s asmathic. it’s when i start to take naps in the afternoon because it’s too hot to do anything else, when my mind just feels hazy like the way that smog menaces orange above a prototypical cityscape. it’s all so blase: there are only so many times that i can repeat the same summer rituals until i am just begging for some textbooks and a library, a place to straighten out my collar. i like what i’ve come to associate with autumn (like some very serious trips to ikea, to be dwelt upon shortly), and i would prefer to just skip the entire month of august all together.

my urge to return to school could be explained by the recent barrage of tv ads from those ‘big box’ slaveships. apparently, i’m supposed to be really pumped about spending money on binders and pens, while my parents once again grapple with my impending move. i knew that the fun was over when the 2008 IKEA catalogue arrived at my house (and i started seeing the actually pretty adorable commercials on every tv station, all the time). i’m not so crazy about this year’s collection; it’s just a lot of left over stuff that i already got last year, and all of their new stuff is sort of tacky. their designers used too much red, even though purple would have been a much more appropriate substitute. i’ve had some really weird associations with colour lately–i won’t even get within three feet of the colour blue.

anyways, i spent this past saturday night on a date with said book, marking pages with turquoise (which isn’t blue at all, so don’t start) and thinking about stencils for the walls in my new place. oh, and david suzuki was there–i tried to watch the nature of things again, but i just keep finding that it’s not really that innovative or creative. now that i’ve become a slave to planet earth (and since the bbc has eaten my soul), i can’t watch nature shows without expecting super hi-def shots and rad camera tricks. so what i’m really trying to say is that i’ve been staying up late most nights catching up on being a geek. fo sho.

and allow me to be the first one to say that i’m off the beckham bandwagon. posh and becks have just become some kind of weird american pet project–they’re totally media saturated and obviously soaking up every last bit of publicity that they can. becks has only played sixteen minutes with his new team, the la galaxy, this season, and famously sat out of (he didn’t dress either, that presumptuous bastard) this past sunday’s game in toronto. honestly, if you break it down, he’s made $1.5 million a minute (or at least for the total amount of his contract divided by time), for basically being a dead ball captain. so great becks, let’s see another stellar corner kick. get outta here.

i’ve been writing all day–or at least for the few wakeful hours that i have constituted as a sufficient number to be considered a ‘day’–switching back and forth between this post and a reactionary letter to some twat ‘columnist’ for the flamborough post. kevin werner, oh, you misinformed fool, wrote a lovely editorial piece for the august 3rd edition of said publication entitled ‘the gender issue’. it seems as though his only issue is with his own gender and how his views about it continually shape his reality. i fired off this really obscene diatribe at my mother right after i read it and then tried to write a very calm, mature letter to him afterwards, as per her advice. i’ve almost finished my letter, which includes some great little quips such as, “men ritualistically take their privilege for granted”, and “well, mr. werner, it seems as though the only issue here is, and i’ll use your term, ‘gender pressure’, from men upon women to adhere to a specific standard or role”. good lord, it’s fun to shake up suburbia; i’ll post the entire letter once it’s done–gimme a couple more days.

oh, and i’ve been all about collaborations lately–if you get a chance download ‘drivin me wild’–it’s common and lily allen.

okay, i think that this process has been laborious enough for both you and i, so i’m gonna get out for some beer and nachos.