today was weird–it was kind of like yesterday when i accidentally spent the whole day in bed having really vivid fever dreams, but i was up and about. i can’t explain how i’ve been thinking lately, but it’s all very stark and simple: i’ve been reading a lot (but more on that later) and therefore keeping my own mind fairly clear when it comes to real life, normal things. i’m literally thinking in colours (taupe, grey, purple, blue) and sensations (i’ve been wearing the same itchy sweater and silk scarf for like two days because those feelings are too intense on their own, and so must be only worn together). i guess that all seems a little crazy, like i’m literally just burnt out and fried. either way, i think it’s just that the summer is ending and it’s WAY TOO COLD to even be august.

this shitty, cold, shivering business reminds me that although i don’t fully expect to end up back at shuter this fall, it’s totally possible. and i will be cold. in bed. with long johns. mittens. two pairs of socks. i’ve been making tiny preparations here and there for the move that might never be: lynds and i made an impromptu trip to ikea today. i really only needed to buy hooks and shelves to store my mutating collection of scarves and tea cups, and ended up with more bedding, as if blue-green sova pillowcases are really what’s up. jesus. i keep blaming this insanely depressing colour scheme that i love on the desert. i want to totally drop out of school and take any and all monies that i would have to new mexico, to arizona, to whatever, some american desert and just write some books, tanning until my freckles become an even brown, and cuddling up with tea as the sun sets and the shadows get longer and longer until it’s cold, really cold. it’s like my venezuela dream, part two. i think it’s really just my life telling me to take a fucking break and chill with some coyotes. maybe i’d adopt one as a pet. and name him like sequin, or something.

at least i’ve had the time to read since i quit one job, and that’s probably what has contributed to my weird, dreamy haze right now. i’ve spent far too many hours in my bed ploughing through magical thinking by augusten burroughs, who is not, unfortunately, the offspring of one william s. burroughs, but i’ll take it anyways, and some of the lovely bones by alice sebold. burroughs’ book was totally hilarious–he feels like some outrageous bro of mine that was just telling me wacky anecdotes for hours at a time. but really, with a book whose chapter titles include ass burger and holy blow job, it’s gotta be great, right? right. sebold’s novel is kind of a harsh blow after the fluffy, spoiled, liberace-esque world that burroughs lives in: in the first chapter of the lovely bones, a fourteen year old girl is raped and stabbed to death by her skeezy neighbour. in her backyard. almost. it’s really heartbreaking, and i don’t like heartbreaking, and it’s about heaven, and i don’t dig heaven–but at least it seems feminist and presents a cool idea about what happens after we die. and it makes me love my family a lot. we’ll see, it might get too fuzzy for me. but, oh my god, i just realized that it’s being into a film with susan sarandon: be still my heart.

i’m stuffed: zoni and gilb and i decided that it would be a good idea to go to monfort’s and order a very specific, vegan, nut-free version of their maza platter for five–there were THREE of us. we ended up with roughly twenty falafel balls and a whole trough full of bathenjane and baba ganoush. we tried to call people to come take some of the food off of our hands, literally, but we just ended up with some crazy stomach pains. you know when you get so full that you have to leave just a little pita crust on your plate, because GOOD LORD YOU ARE GOING TO BLOW UP OTHERWISE. it’s like you’re literally shoving food down your face with one hand, and trying to stop yourself with the other. our waiter just looked at us like we were fucking nuts, and seemed hesistant to let three relatively skinny people try to consume enough food to fully satisfy the appetites of all of our fellow restaurant patrons…and a couple people just passing through the neighbourhood. anyways, it’s all starting to settle, and i think that it’s probably best if i just put my fat ass to bed.

and just because i’m feeling particularly hilarious, go over to dooce and get a load of her totally hilarious take on caterday.

lawlz.